I can’t believe this is going on the internet.
Ah well, it’s safer like this than written down somewhere my parents can find it.
This is all so stupid and is probably a side-effect of listening to too much Taylor Swift in my erm… youth.
I have a crush. On a boy. Calm down I’m not giving you his name!
The reason I said this is so stupid is because it’s so irrational – even by my standards. I honestly have no reason to like him, I just do. I know that sounds just like physical attraction, but I like to think that I’m not that shallow.
I’ll start from the beginning – I’ve spoken to him 4 times
- on the phone – he was on a trip with one of my good male friends
- on fb at 2am. I’d met him the previous day in person but didn’t say much to him and he left pretty early because he had an exam the next day. (how cute is that?!)
- at the interval of a play I saw at his school
- at the party I went to on New Year’s Eve, but very briefly.
Do you see how off his radar I am right now??
Why I ‘like’ him:
- part of me is starting to think that I just have a constant desire to make someone my unattainable object of affection
- he is so cute it’s unreal. he looks a bit like Andrew Garfield in my opinion.
- he’s kinda nerdy/shy :3
- he has really cool headphones, so he obviously must have great taste in music
- he’s really smart. he got this crazy scholarship to some university in the US so he’s pretty much set for life
- he’s a further mathematician as well
- all the guys I’m friends with seems to think he’s cool/respect him a lot
Reasons why this is ill-fated from the start:
- see, instinctively I would just tell a guy I liked them. tried that once, majorly backfired, he turned out to be gay, our friendship was a bit awkward. we’re totally fine now though. either way I can’t see myself doing anything that will give him any sign of this…
- it’s our last year of school. he’s definitely going to the US next year and I’m definitely not.
- he is kinda out of my league. I’m bad, he’s good. (But aren’t opposites supposed to attract…?)
- he is never online! I don’t have his phone number, so my methods of communicating with him are pretty limited.
I was in such a weird state today. I woke up from an accidental nap thinking ‘right that’s it, I’m asking my friend for his number and then calling him and then flirting and asking him out because that wouldn’t be awkward at all’ before I snapped back to reality.
I think I’m just going to have to play it cool for now or wait for an opportunity to talk to him alone. You can’t really get to know a person when you’re around other people in my experience.
oh and it’s valentines day next month – joy of all joys
we have what is basically the equivalent of an american prom next month, so hopefully I’ll see him then. until then the emotional/sexual frustration will endure!
you know you love me,
(but I wish he did!)